Robot Fog’s Fourth Shorts
30.
I'm working on a new compound that will prevent people’s heads from growing and blocking doorways to public buildings.
29.
I know women hate mammograms. I don't blame them. It sounds uncomfortable even when there's no pain.
I guess it will be easier once dogs are used to sniff out cancer.
I wonder if I can be trained to do that.
28.
I had to cancel my health insurance because it was more than half the cost of my mortgage. So I applied for a plan from a guy in a van. The plan is cheap but I have to go for my first checkup at the office of Dr. Meth. Wish me luck!
Addendum:
It turns out my new insurance covers drugs such as marijuana, crack, and ecstasy. For some reason, there's a $25.00 deductible for PCP.
27.
BREAKING:
Somebody says the word “covid”. Someone else hears the word “covid”. Yet another person hears the word “covid” and wonders if “covid” is a word.
[Imagine you are reading a tweet from someone who used the word “covid” in their tweet]
When someone says the word “covid”, it often indicates that someone spoke the word “covid”.
[Imagine there is a series of screenshots from a Twitter thread in which the word “covid” is bandied about.]
Federal authorities often use the word “covid” when discussing the topic “covid”.
{join our comment section and share your thoughts but not your opinions because nobody cares to hear it}
26.
If you find it sad that you get wet whenever you sit in a tub of water, just remember that your anus is in there with you.
😧
25.
Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty is a word. Spell uvulopalatopharyngoplasty.
24.
I don’t like to ask anyone for help,
so,
I DEMAND it!
23.
We aim to please.
Or at minimum to maim.
22.
If your hooker doesn't kill you, your spouse will. So what have you got to lose?
21.
In Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, the circus guy told Caesar how dangerous it is for him if filthy humans find out he is the son of the 2 apes who came back from the future. Then he showed Caesar a statue of a dog and cat and gave a speech to the "dumb" ape about how a virus killed all the pets.
He did this on a public street as if no one is going to wonder why he's giving a history lesson to a dumb animal.
Humans are idiots. I suggest you avoid them.
20.
If I had a fortune, I’d leave it to my cat on condition that she scratch the eyeballs out of my grown children.
19.
Some people are born beautiful. And I hate them. It’s been suggested that I hate ugly people instead but that’s me. It’s my turn to cry.
18.
When introduced to carnivores, I always assume a slight smile.
17.
Is hepatitis B a thing now? How do you put yourself at risk? Do you have to eat undercooked human organs or do mosquitoes give it to you?
Do mosquitoes want anything in return if they give you hepatitis B?
Does it make you hep to call it hep B?
16.
I was watching 2 people having sex and I became disgusted so I screamed, “I’ve seen goats do it better!” and left their house. I wanted to get to my car quickly so I climbed out a different window than the one through which I had entered.
==== Warning! Advertisement! ====
Tell your doctor if you are allergic to your underwear.
==== Advertising Over! ====
15.
People say don’t hate. I say hate everybody along with their choice in clothing, music, films, politics, philosophy, food & beverages, general consumer choices, cologne, along with the sounds they make when they eat, breathe, poop, pee, and sleep.
Show me someone you don’t hate and I’ll show you a jerk.
14.
This here nickel. It don't make much cents.
13.
Some people say you shouldn't hate. I hate those people.
12.
When Quinn the Eskimo gets here, you're all going down for murder.
11.
10.
What the hell is up with the empire striking back? What’s the big deal that they lost a Death Star? It’s got the word death right in the name. Shouldn’t they have expected the Death Star to be destroyed? I don’t see where the empire gets off expecting death objects to be around forever. The empire is run by jerks
9.
When microstink
Asks you to sync
Say “no, you fink”
8.
I was wondering, "Who would Jesus kill?" and then someone suggested to me, "Who would Elvis kill?" And now I'm stuck. Who would Elvis kill? I have no answer to that. You could argue he killed himself but the question really is "who would Elvis kill (other than himself)?"
7.
A butcher is simply someone who sells body parts.
6.
The series American Crime Stories created a season titled “The Assassination of Gianni Versace”
Because, the other less rich and famous victims of the serial killer are meaningless.
5.
In 2012, my wife and I were at Sears and had to wait ten minutes for the register boy to ask a woman whether she was carrying a variety of cards. He even held up some pants (or, drawers, or britches) and said, "you don't wear petites, do you? We have a department of petites." Then he went on about points, discounts, and a pile of other vonny cal.
When it was our turn, I placed a revolver right up against his left eye and said, "Take the cash and bag the shirts or you won't be finding the left side of your face until you get reincarnated... as something with a face."
It went smoothly.
4.
Don’t like living with hang nails?
Stop living!
3.
Krekor Ohanian, Archibald Leach, Gregor Samsa, Kip Kinkel, and Leon Czolgosz all walk into a bar together. The bartender turns to the bouncer and says, "We don't serve booze to no fictional characters. T'row dat one mook da hell oughta here!"
Who does the bouncer bounce?
2.
Xfinity:
“Share the excitement.
Share Xfinity.
Refer friends to Xfinity and you can get up to $500 in Visa® Prepaid Cards each year. Just click the link to sign up for the program, share your unique referral code and get paid when your friends order online using your code. Your friends can get rewarded, too!”
————————————-
How about just charging less to begin with, you fuck faced weasels?
1.
