Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Pentagon vows to probe Saddam photos

                        Saturday, May 21, 2005


A headline of a story on the world site proudly declares:

                        "Pentagon vows to probe Saddam photos"


The story revolves around the location at Latitude 33.339, Longitude 44.394, Elevation 41 m, Baghdad, Iraq, Asia, Eastern Hemisphere, Earth, Milky Way, Universe.   And approximately, this many people care about it: 6.

Senior U.S. military sources followed this statement by declaring that the military did not give photos to The Sun -- nor would they give them to The Moon.   The release of the photos is proving to be more embarrassing and humiliating to the U.S. Military authorities than it is to Saddam since he's not the one who allowed the incident to occur.

Captain Fierce Bragg, who often associates with the notably evil Hussein when the captain's duties compel him to give Hussein a sponge bath and the excellent dye job that Saddam receives for his beautifully quaffed hair, has this to say,

   "I don't understand how a picture of Saddam (he allows me to call him Saddam) in his underwear could possibly have been taken inside of and released from this prison.   We've been probing and searching Saddam ever since the capture and we've never even seen his underwear.   We thought it would take us several more months to determine if he was wearing any underwear at all."

   "Whoever did this," Captain Bragg continued saying, "has undermined the faith that people have in the U.S. military.   They have made us all look like fools, except for Corporal Evans who refuses to wear the hat with the bells on it.    When Saddam hears this, he will be angry."

    The following day, Captain Bragg sent Private 1st Class William Peasley into the cell to inform Hussein of this latest disgrace to the image he carefully cultivated for himself over the past 3 or 4 decades.   An informant, I mean, source, claimed that Peasley was chosen because Peasley was considered expendable due to the impending date of his rotation out of service in Iraq.

There are several reasons to consider the motives that the military sources stated are not only doubtful, but full of jelly.

1.   The resistance in Iraq doesn't fight for Saddam Hussein.

2.   The resistance, like many of us across the globe, have been exposed to images that show Iraqis being far more degraded under the care of American and British soldiers than old man Hussein is in the pictures of him in his underwear. So why would that stir them up or bring them down?

3.   Now that the Iraqi insurgents have seen the picture of Saddam, they have become excited over the possibilities of getting their whites as white as the tighty whities worn by their former dictator. There's nothing more compelling to a fiendish pack of murderers than the thought of having the most perfect laundry in existence. If anything, rather than packing it in, the resistance will be energized into doubling their efforts to achieve the technology to attain true whititivity in their clothing and in their bedrolls.

4.   It is possible that the subject of the photos is not Saddam Hussein. Maybe the pictures were of the underwear itself and Sadman Hussein just by accident happened to be wearing them while the governments and media of the world had the underwear under surveillance.