Dick Dribble’s Leaked Shorts
Hi, Dick Dribble here. I decided to add value to this site without even bothering to inform Robot or Jack. What I do is none of their business. That cad, Robot, may as well be a toaster oven.
In reverse order like my life:
29.
Hey, it’s me!
That guy you intended to kill but you couldn’t afford the ammo!
If you’d like, I can loan you the cash.
28.
I have an idea for a 90 minute snuff film which is made by just following Jason Statham around with a camera while he kills people. Call me, Hollywood, or you will be in the film.
27.
Hi, I'm a 90 year old actor who wants to tell you about this anti-aginig product. This product will remove your wrinkles by shrinking your pores and filling in the remaining droopy wrinkly skin like bondo.
You see, I don't look the way you see me now. I have a team of specialists shellacking my face with smootheners and a cinematographer who is using a filter that would make a shrunken penis look like a young Arnold Schwarzenegger.
So buy this crap now.
26.
Yes, it's true I often cry after sex but, in my defense, the thorns on the rose bushes are drawing blood from my legs as I stand outside the bedroom window
25.
I've decided to refer to everyone I speak to as "dollface" and then ask if they'd care to see my chest.
24.
Just because two or more people are having sex, it doesn’t mean they have to be in the same room while doing it
Quoted from -
Artificial Ignorance
23.
Dear Severe nipple heads,
Life is not as difficult as you make it.
Burn in hell.
Yours sincerely,
Buford Puffer
22.
Prosecutor: “When was the last time you had seen Mr. Jones?”
Defendant: “It was when we were in the same room together at the same time. My eyes were open.”
Prosecutor: “Did you attack Mr. Jones with this aluminum baseball bat I’m holding?”
Defendant: “How the hell would I know? I had closed my eyes so that I wouldn’t get blood in them!”
21.
Welcome to Tiny Bladder Productions.
We hope you enjoyed our dribble.
20.
After many failed attempts, I have finally found a way to successfully weaponize my sperm.
19.
7 billion people per day have to go to bed after having nothing but stale crap for dinner. Now, for the low cost of 19 cents per day, you can ensure that one small child can go to sleep with a tummy full of fresh crap while the other 6,999,999,999 people still go to sleep with stomachs full of stale crap like they deserve to.
18.
I was wondering why I don’t stab every person I see. Then I realized I’d left my knife at home.
17.
I've decided to stop wearing underwear since I just peed myself and I'm also seriously considering getting butt implants on my head!
16.
I just found a squirrel in my underwear. Shots were fired.
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15.
The Rise of Dickjerker
Coming in a theater near you!
Bring a raincoat. There won’t be a dry eye in the house.
14.
If I smell like a baby, it's because I pooped myself.
13.
Overheard on the bridge of the USS Enterprise.
Mr. Data (to Captain Picard): “You are right, Sir. I do tend to babble.”
Captain Picard: “Welcome to the lousy stinking human race, you shitty machine. Now finish brewing my coffee.”
12.
I might consider using Viagra but, with my luck, would probably just wind up fucking myself.
11.
Facebook is the opium of the bastards
10.
I just wrote a song titled, "I am your mother's prostitute". I have another in the works named, "Your lips hardly feed me".
9.
No matter what I wore, I always wondered if people could see my bladder leak absorbing underwear. Now I wear it on the outside of my clothing so I can be sure it’s noticed.
Maybe I’ll wear my bladder on the outside and eliminate the need for expensive absorbing underwear.
8.
If I were a doctor, I’d kill all the other doctors in town. Then I’d be the only doctor in town and such a valuable commodity that I could get away with murder.
7.
Hey! It's me, that jerk you'd all like to see dead!
Well I'm going to make your wish come true but it's going to cost you $15.00
That's $15.00 per viewing. So if you walk away and decide you want another view, it will cost another $15.00.
6.
I was forcibly removed from philosophy class for kicking somebody in the Kant.
5.
6.
Moss Doodleman, Putrid Buttstink, and Dick Puller all walk into a bar...
And are asked to leave.
5.
Hi! I’m a dick.
When a traffic light turns green, I stay where I am and play with myself for up to 70 minutes even if the streets are clear of other vehicles.
It’s important I do this because I’m a dick.
Did I mention I’m a dick?
4.
After watching 5 billion televised true crime shows explain how police can tell if a potential murder victim was drowned according to whether or not there is water present in the lungs, I now use an ice pick to jab holes in the lungs of my victims before I strangle them. This way, water will get in their lungs after I toss them in the river.
Thank you, true crime shows.
If you learned anything from this, please donate. I depend upon your donations to avoid working so I can impart great knowledge and wisdom unto you, the unknowledgeable and unwise.
3.
Dr. Dick Dribble was sitting across the desk from his newest patient, Abatha Cranberk.
"So, how long have you been a doctor?", asked Abatha.
"Oh, since I placed 'Dr.' in front of my name 2 weeks ago.", replied Doctor Dribble.
2.
Salad dressing? Salad isn't a Barbie doll that you play with and dress up for fun. DO YOU THINK EATING SALAD IS A MOTHERFUCKING GAME?
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