Sunday, July 23, 2023

Bad day, face down in the cabbage, Honey!

 Bad day, face down in the cabbage, Honey!

"Thay ain't no way outta here!", - shouts

The estranged waiter as he blocks the exits and goes

to crouch back in his corner in the kitchen 

which he refuses to leave until 

he sees hisself getting a tip

despite toppling a bowl of sludge

upon the surly skulls of messident Goober

and his chronics.

A cranky elevator operator


                 house detective 

throws a half empty puket of shrink

over the oval head that anchors the waiter's 

mewling face to his shirt/vest.

Some substance similar to seafood sauce 

drips & drips & drips

eternally, eternally dripping,

uncomfortably close to the waiter’s nosetrails. 

Funny powerful short monkey-like breaths of terror 

Begin shoooosting out from the waiter’s face

like enraged, yet invalid, worms.

The elevator operator


        house detective 

looks to the table at which

messident goober and his chronics crouch with their hunger.

Their majestically comical brows are lowered. 

The Goob has no wash to wash. 

He is Goober who lives in the house of Dwight. 

Low paid locals perform Goober’s chump work and 

clean up the remnants of the waiter's dripping sludge.

Goober's FBI certified Doctor A-Okays the sludge 

as being clean of germs and/or other contaminants.

The doctor states, - “no living being or mutation 

can survive the barren landscape 

of goober's unholy unconscionable soul.

Just ask the FDA.”

The waiter doesn't receive his tips. He be a-taken to a cell 

where he be told that he be no longer a part of the waiter society and class. 

And, as such, having been stripped of his rankness,

he is terrifying, if not to others, then certainly, to himself. 

The waiter is told to go serve his self - if he can find it.

"Some crazy-like things just drip, while others explode."

Saturday, July 22, 2023

Fight the Shorts!

by Jack Human

I remember being naked when I was born. I felt groovy and everything was cool but then, some jerk placed me on a table and stuck thick tiny shorts on me. It pissed me off so I crapped and pissed in order to make the person take the unnatural trash off me.

I succeeded. The filthy shorts were removed. I thought I was free and dared to smile. Alas! I was wrong. Another pair of stupid shorts were placed upon me. Pinned! I was trapped.

This cycle continued until one day, I grabbed some covering of my own. A lighter pair of shorts and some pants. My plan was to cover myself in order to prevent the psycho from throwing me down on the table and continuing the cycle of abuse. Since I knew the monster was driven to gather my feces and urine, I stopped pooing and peeing while wearing my restricting rags. I figured someday I would be free and could go back to being naked all the time again.

However, I had unwittingly started another cycle whereby it had become an ingrained routine keeping myself covered all the time.

I tell you this because I want to prevent others from having their lives destroyed. So, if someone throws you on a table and attempts to pin thick shorts on you, FIGHT! KICKPUNCHCRY! Do anything you have to do to stay proudly naked.

Side notes and observations:

  • If you don’t have a mask, wear pants over your face.
  • Punch the wind if it tries to blow you.
  • Eat elephant feet only if the elephant agrees.
  • Cabbage might taste good but you don’t want to be seen in public with it.
  • Empty the gas tank of your vehicle before driving in order to save fuel.