Jack Human’s Seventh Heaven Stain
==== WARNING! ADVERTISEMENT ====
This week on White Collar a man commits suicide when a dry cleaner refuses to clean his shirts because they don't handle clothing with unusual collar stains.
==== ADVERTISEMENT ENDS ====
7.
I've been writing some pretty snide letters to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development I had to step back a little on the last one. The line I removed was:
"Thank you for providing me with the phone number. I've called several times but couldn't get through to a human. I didn't really expect anything positive to happen anyway so the joke is on me for being disappointed."
6.
The first 3 pages of my new unfinished novel "Why am I such a Lazy Bastard Incapable of Accomplishing Anything Useful in Life?" will possibly be on sale soon in a store near you if I ever bother to pick up the phone and okay its release by the publisher.
I like releasing unfinished novels.
5.
Is that a ferret on your shoulder, or have you merely become hairy faced and small headed? - J. Alfred Prufrock.
4.
Today is the last day of your life up to now so put a bow on it.
🎀
It's done.
3.
Nobody's been shooting at me lately. It looks like I'm going to have to hire a new assassin.
I was worried about having to fire the old assassin, but then I figured, what's he going to do, kill me? Judging by his work ethic, I have nothing to be concerned about.
2.
I have a plan to create a meme that says,
"Another name for Texas Chainsaw Chili is"
- then there is a graphic of a pot of chili with human fingers and eyes -
"Who Stew"
1.
I am your love child, you perverts.
