Dead Man’s Debt

Dead Man’s Debt

Random person 1: "Jesus, help us!"

Jesus: "Okay. What's the problem?"

Random person 1: "Lazarus just died!"

Jesus: "Well, all things must pass. This is the way it is."

Random person 1: "But Lazarus owed me some money!"

Jesus: "Jesus Christ! That is a problem! Here, I'll bring him back."

Random person 1: "Thank you so much!”

Jesus brings Lazarus back. Lazarus looks like he just spent time in the ring with George Foreman.

Someone steps out of the small crowd after shoving several bystanders out of his way.

Crowd shover: "Say, what the fuck's going on here?"

Random person 1: "Lazarus was dead, Man. But now, thanks to Jesus. Lazarus is alive again!."

Crowd shover: “Then what the fuck did I bother killing him for?"

Miserable Poemetrical Shorts 2

 some junk looking for abuse

11.

an ocean lacking a returning tide

faded from my lighthouse eye

10.

the V-chip loves you

& does not wish to shut you down

i, however, want to shut you down

& turn you off with my remote

9.

I am fabulous like a dog leaping through dry desert air.

I will bite.

8.

the lonely messiah grapples

with the true meaning of the cheese

as his disciples end in the dust

of a meteoric rise and the flattening fall

back to the molecular ball.

7.

Nobody knows these things

Nobody knows those things

Nobody knows anything

Whatever it is you think you know

Will not admit to knowing you

6.

I have died

and I have died

and I have died

and not once,

twice, or three times.

Innumerably.

Repeatedly.

Continually.

Today I have died.

I know tomorrow,

I will die.

And, having died,

will live to die again.

5.

My brain.

It ain’t on fire.

It don’t burn nor turn

It’s a flat tire

4.

Living can be traumatic.

Living with asteroid addiction

can be brutally traumatic.

Avoid possible extinction.

Don’t be hit by asteroids.

Avoid trauma.

Avoid birth.

If you should see your future parents

about to conceive you,

kick their private parts off.

Take control of your trauma.

Before asteroids take control of you

3.

Barfley Shoestink

Smelly Salivas

Nickelodeon Giggling

And Allass B. Tokenslot

All walk into a bar together.

Not one of them leaves alive

Because Nipplelips Rage murdered them

2.

When you’re deranged

Pickles shoot out from your brain

The sludge in your blood refuses to drain

Angels refrain from singing your name

Copulating with mice makes you feel sane

When you’re deranged

1.

a renegade mosquito bite 

sent me to see the doctor

my arm stiff and swollen at the elbow

not very easy to move

the doctor told me

the rate of allergies is rising

with the depletion of the ozone layer

"yeah", i thought,

"let's strip the blanket from the earth

and have the insects watch us squirm for a while"

we will all grow old together

and fry

What is wrong with people

** WARNING **

The following is neither entertaining nor amusing! Just a bad string.

What is wrong with people

What is wrong with people

who vote against their future

they vote for fast talking clowns

who turn out to be slimy losers

conservative hacks that send

their children to wars in sandy hells

all for the greedy corporations

that pay our representatives well

what is wrong with news media

that reports lies as if they're facts

and that refuses to do the research

because it's easier to work as hacks

they report to confuse us

and they report just to sell

all for greedy corporations

that pay the reporters very well

They work for world corporations

who don’t want us to know

our water is filled with mercury

and the north pole has no snow

what is wrong with politicians

they are working for themselves

taking kickbacks from contractors

who can't build a level shelf

big business pays the prostitutes

who put their votes up for sale

to make it easy for them to flourish

while the mom and pops all fail

What is wrong with you people

who say you hate the government

you march in anger in the streets

protesting my small unemployment

which I feel fortunate to receive

because the stooges you voted for

did nothing to keep my job here

so I’m stuck in a Wal-Mart store

what is wrong with the politician

who answers to the lobbyists?

What is wrong with the voter

who votes in blissful ignorance?

what is wrong with the corporations

who merely want to own my ass?

What is wrong with the rest of us

for not raising hell and fighting back?

If I were rewriting this, I'd choose the better points and focus the writing. And maybe find a way to make some kind of refrain turning it into lyrics. But I'm a lazy bastard. Some might say I'm a filthy son of a ditch digger.

Dick's Dribble

Robot Fog (impersonating Dick's Dribble in order to steal his mortgage)

Hi. It’s me, Dick Dribble, again.

Some of you may remember me from such elongated articles such as "nuffin' to write yer home about" or "I didn't go to summer camp because I was a-scared of the girls and this documentary video shows why."

catfight on Spider Island

Today I want to invite you to visit my website which reviews movies, books, music, and many other forms of culture, popular or otherwise.

Thrill as our social discourse is made up entirely of YouTube and Vimeo videos of television talk show hosts making witty observations of current events!

Lock your knees together and control your excitement over our articles composed entirely of screenshots of tweets we quote in order to appear as if our writers are writing!

We also cover the most current unimportant news of the day by referring to sources other than our own site which have already repeated and shared articles and pieces that present unresearched events and opinions as facts.

Hate the president of the United States? Well, who doesn’t? We’ll post every attack, funny, meaningful, obscure, overt, “in his face”, true, false, current, past, repetitive, pointless, and needlessly tiresome in order to boost your confirmation bias.

So stop whacking it on all those clickbait sites you love so much. Bookmark Dick’s Dribbles and learn what you’ll wish you’d never known.

*** Editor's note. Excrement was misspelled as excitement. ***

Discorde of the Concorde

Robot Fog 

July 18, 2019

  · 

There was a movie made called The Concorde: Airport ‘79’

It’s got George Kennedy who could do no wrong, which you would know if you were wearing peanut butter.

The inside of the Concorde is the size of a phone booth. For young people who hadn’t existed 700 years ago, a phone booth is a vertically standing glass coffin people used to stand inside of in order to make phone calls while experiencing how cramped and alone they may feel at their funeral.

There really was a letter ‘e’ on the end of “Concord” in order to differentiate between the town and the flying machine. This was necessary due to the vast number of people who assumed the town of Concord would transport them across the Atlantic Ocean.

For young people, flying machines don’t exist. Real machines will merely teleport to wherever they really want to be.

The Atlantic Ocean is a telecommunications company known for utilizing sound waves in a manner which would end with the individual wishing they were in a coffin.

The Possible Adventures of Duck Rubberson

by Jack Human

This is a story about a possible story.

Confusing? Get used to it

I'm probably going to forget this in 12 seconds so I'm writing it now. Live!

I have an idea for a character named Duck Rubberson. It is supposed to be a series.

The first story is an origin story where a duck is flying innocently through the sky and hears a duck call. Answering the duck call, the duck is shot by ex-television personality, Phil Robertson. As the buckshot tears through the innocent duck's body, lightning strikes and connects the duck to Robertson electrically and combines their molecules and DNA.

Thus is born Phil "Duck" Rubberson who goes on a weird rampage. [this is where a lot of weird things happen that I forgot] The duck's mother asks someone to help her son and the duck is separated from Robertson, but the duck still has a beard and a hat. And can speak English (better than Robertson) heh. No one cares what condition Robertson is in considering he tried to assassinate the duck to begin with.

FROM THIS TIME ONWARD:

The stories are titled "Furthering the Adventures of Duck Rubberson" and they revolve around the bearded duck. Robertson is generally out of the picture unless he becomes Duck's villain.

I considered trying to draw this but I can't draw. I had a whole dialog with the duck's mother and Phil "Duck" Rubberson when he was on a rampage, but that is gone now, for you see, I am old and my brain cells frail.

Traffic Blight

 Robot reporting here.

I was riding another machine, which sounds obscene but, I swear, it wasn’t like that despite the wonderful vibes I enjoyed. I pulled up to a red light and hadn't had time to look around before turning right on red when some dink pulled up behind me in a truck and started honking their horn. So I stopped even checking for traffic and stayed at the corner. I could see them waving their hands and arms around as if they were going to have a stroke, which I would of been happy to see. No one tells me how to drive. Horns should only be used in emergency situations. The truck driver backed up a couple of feet and drove through the Gulf station parking lot while I waved good-bye.

I drive a hatchback, so I can't see over the vehicles when they are next to me in the left lane. I have to inch forward to see if it's safe to turn right on a red light. I'm not even pissed, just thinking how humans ain't got no manners no more.

Robot Fog