Saturday, March 4, 2023

Gunsmoke S11, E6 Recap

 By Jack Human,

I just watched a Gunsmoke and didn’t report it to the principal.


S11 E6

***   SPOILER ALERT   ***

The assface banker on Gunsmoke refused to pay a Native American boy for some gold until the Marshal checks the Pawnee kid out. Banker assface took the gold from the kid and wouldn’t return it. In civilized nations, this is considered theft.

I just realized the budget of this episode must have been huge to cover the cost of thousands of gallons of whatever they used to paint the white actor playing a Native American. Maybe banker assface was pissed about a painted white kid trying to pass off the gold.

Another time, banker assface got pissed at the Marshal for not shooting the Marshal’s old friend in the back after the friend robbed the bank. The Marshal has been beaten and shot a thousand times for these ungrateful freaks and they can’t just back the guy up when he needs them. The guy has recovered 800 billion dollars' worth of cash, cattle, and jewelry for these morons.

He should of took up Marshalin’ in a normal state. A state that respects science and human rights.

The marshal had banker assface give him the $110.00 for the kid’s gold nugget. The kid bought a hat and is hunting down that scratchy voiced guy from Laredo for murdering his father. The Marshal’s pissed at Laredo guy for shooting the shadow of the kid. “If you’re going to fire your goddamned firearm in this town, you better hit a real person, Shithead!”

I wish I had a computer so I could write this all out real proper-like.

*** Commercial Break ***

Uh oh. Another American Standard tub commercial with a celebrity you would assume has better things to do. Eric Roberts. He plays shady jerks in Lifetime movies. At least Batman broke his legs once. I guess Roberts didn’t learn anything.

Jesus Christ! Like 5 commercials passed by as I typed out that tub paragraph.

*** End Commercial Break ***

Holy moly! The kid impersonating a Pawnee broke up the Long Branch and got in a fight with Festus. Now he’s in a cell next to murderin’ Laredo guy. The kid planted a knife in the cell window from the alleyway outside before getting busted so he could use it to stab Laredo guy.

Painted white kid was caught trying to stab Loredo guy so the Marshal is taking stabby painted white kid to a restaurant now to see if the kid will explain why he wants to stab Laredo guy. This Marshal is quite civilized. Too good for that crappy town.

The Marshal made Festus scrub all the floors in the jail. I’m not even sure Festus officially works for the Marshal. Fred Ziffel is insulting Laredo guy.

The kid shot at his old foe, Laredo guy, but missed all over the place. He should have stuck with the knife. It’s what Penguin would do. You can’t go wrong with good old-fashioned stabbing. It’s quiet and you get a workout. Stabbing people is much healthier than shooting them.

*** Commercial Break ***

It turns out I may have overactive bladder, or OAB. I’m supposed to call my doctor or visit some dot com place to learn more.

Call my doctor if you want to learn more about my bladder.

*** End Commercial Break ***

Crap! There’s shooting but I missed it because of my bladder. Painted White Kid (PWK) used a slingshot to knock out Laredo guy. The kid tied the guy to the ground near some ants while buzzards flew around. If those are fire ants, Laredo guy is in trouble. I got my hands chewed up by fire ants when I was in basic training in Georgia. Georgia needs better exterminators.

PWK is finally explaining that Laredo guy murdered his father and his sister.

PWK is leaving town on foot. He was allowed to carry a gun but can’t get a license to ride a horse.

"Oh, the burden of a bad paint job."