Tuesday, October 23, 2018

The Crank Scenario

The Crank Scenario

I awoke. I wasn't quite happy about it. The last thing I remembered was having a conversation with the creature that dwells within my house. She may have drugged me. I don't know. I didn't care at this point anyway. I could tell I was in the cellar. The lights were off but some light was coming in the one small window that faced the street. It was enough light that I could see the washer and dryer. I was strapped down in what felt like an old style hospital bed. The kind of bed from before hospitals had computerized systems embedded into them. I was in a half upright position and my hands were cuffed to the rails on either side of the bed.

"I see you have awoken." She said and then turned a bright lamp on that was aimed right at my eyes.

"What's with the light, you fool? I know who you are.", I demanded as if I was running the show.

"Silence! You will not talk. You will listen and I will do all the talking.", she responded sharply and then continued. "I have torn your heart out and replaced it with a bomb. If you ever hesitate in performing any task I ask of you; you will die."

“That's an odd tact to take with someone who has suicidal tendencies.”, I responded.

"I told you to be silent!", she hissed while whacking me on the bridge of my nose with the pliers she'd used to tweak the bomb placed lovingly in my chest cavity. "I happen to know that you like to pee and will never allow any harm to yourself as long as you can stand while doing so."

'Damn it!', I thought. 'I never should have told her my hopes and dreams. Maybe this is what I get for having hopes and dreams in the first place. I was a fool to believe I could live my dreams. It's been a long time since I've had pizza too. I wonder if pizza has gotten any better in the past 15 years? I still can't eat it, though.'

"Stop thinking stuff!", she yelled. "Here's how it's going down. You will live to pee another day only as long as you do exactly as I tell you. Exactly! There will be no dawdling and no fooling around. If I suspect you are not working as hard as possible, I will blow a hole in your chest the size of your car."

"What if I ever get tired of peeing and decide to let the bomb go off?", I asked.

"You're an idiot." She replied, "You claim you want to die and yet you take your Lovastatin nightly to control your cholesterol levels."

I was frightened.

"My doctor told me to do it.", I whined, adding, "Is this even really necessary? I already do everything I'm told."

She tossed me a hacksaw. It landed on my belly. "I've long suspected that you have a plan to one day do as you like and not as you're told. Now I know for sure that day will never come. Now use that hacksaw to get yourself out of that bed. I expect the snow to be gone from the driveway within the hour."

She turned off the lamp which had been aimed at my eyes, walked up the stairs, and turned on the cellar lights before closing the door.