Saturday, July 22, 2023

Fight the Shorts!

by Jack Human

I remember being naked when I was born. I felt groovy and everything was cool but then, some jerk placed me on a table and stuck thick tiny shorts on me. It pissed me off so I crapped and pissed in order to make the person take the unnatural trash off me.

I succeeded. The filthy shorts were removed. I thought I was free and dared to smile. Alas! I was wrong. Another pair of stupid shorts were placed upon me. Pinned! I was trapped.

This cycle continued until one day, I grabbed some covering of my own. A lighter pair of shorts and some pants. My plan was to cover myself in order to prevent the psycho from throwing me down on the table and continuing the cycle of abuse. Since I knew the monster was driven to gather my feces and urine, I stopped pooing and peeing while wearing my restricting rags. I figured someday I would be free and could go back to being naked all the time again.

However, I had unwittingly started another cycle whereby it had become an ingrained routine keeping myself covered all the time.

I tell you this because I want to prevent others from having their lives destroyed. So, if someone throws you on a table and attempts to pin thick shorts on you, FIGHT! KICKPUNCHCRY! Do anything you have to do to stay proudly naked.

Side notes and observations:

  • If you don’t have a mask, wear pants over your face.
  • Punch the wind if it tries to blow you.
  • Eat elephant feet only if the elephant agrees.
  • Cabbage might taste good but you don’t want to be seen in public with it.
  • Empty the gas tank of your vehicle before driving in order to save fuel.