Jack Human’s 5th Shorts
Short enough to reach your ankles
18.
One time when I was a cop we needed to open the door of a house quickly so I kicked it really hard. The door didn’t break open but my leg broke completely off. I picked up the leg and leaned on it like a cane and kind of hobbled back to the sidewalk where I waited for an ambulance. The other cops killed everyone inside the house and went home. But, as usual, we were at the wrong address and the ambulance never arrived for me. Three days later I died on the sidewalk.
17.
It's a really great feeling being outside and I don't feel like killing myself. I'm making an appointment with my therapist to correct that.
16.
I found a hole in my head and then fell into it.
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10.
I was taking my pants off when I suddenly realized I wasn’t wearing pants. I totally needed to get sewn back up but I realized that doctors are expensive. I considered getting a seamstress to sew my skin back on but I don’t think seamstresses even exist anymore. So I found a hooker who did the job for $25.00. I considered it a gyp but figured there was no choice. On the positive side, the hooker said she also does tire rotations for $15.00. I’m going to ask what it would cost to maybe patch up my lower body where the skin didn’t quite line up. My stupid faucet is leaking too.
9.
I think it sucks that after you die, you can’t stay in your home.
8.
It’s not true romance if someone doesn’t get stuck with the bill.
7.
Time Crime:
Time wounds all heels
Which ends in a bore
Time is stalking you!
6.
BEWITCHED:
Samantha falls in love with New York ad exec Darren Stephens who promptly attempts to coerce Sam to deny her nature and conform to his vision of what a woman should be.
She guts him with a talking bed warmer
5.
Jump Cuts Productions is pleased to announce our first foray into a weekly tv show titled “Jerked by an Angel”.
It’s the weekly story of an angel assigned to jerk people’s strings and manipulate their emotional well-being through the use of heavenly powers in order to coerce characters to conform to God’s expectations rather than trusting individuals to find their own way in an often confusing and brutal world which God created to begin with.
The audience will thrill on a weekly basis as Jump Cut Productions applies our own unique jump cut take on stories guaranteed to excite and confuse the viewer.
Thrill as a teenager on drugs drives into a dumpster and bursts into flames while an angel laughs!
Tune in or we’ll telemarket and robocall you!
4.
I recall that when I was a child, people kept their telephones attached to a wall or floorboard in order to prevent the telephones from being stolen. It was common for people to take the telephones of others because, telephones were of great value, as opposed to now when telephones are worthless and no one even cares if they lose one. From what I hear, some people prefer their phones to be stolen now due to the relentless and needless interruption of their daily lives.
3.
Join me in hating Google.
2.
A crazy crackhead broad is trying to sell her baby for $5,000.00 on the television show “In the Heat of the Night”. The broad’s boyfriend wants $500.00. The baby just wants clean diapers.
They probably should check the market to see what price they should be charging.
I saw a sign about human trafficking in the emergency room at the hospital but it didn’t say where to find a dealer.
1.
Why make eggs the old fashioned way relying on a stupid chicken when you can lay your eggs yourself?
